This is Day 2 of the challenge. I sincerely did not have time to tackle each challenge on their specific day as appeared on Celestine Website, but it’s amazing that Celestine has provided a break for some of us to catch up with the challenge.
So let’s begin with the task:
Well for ages I have created this direct self-hate without really being conscious. I was always a lonely child with few friends ( sometimes if I had friends, I would soon discover they betrayed me and hated me), therefore I was stuck in my inner little world where I would seek refuge, but I did not know that I would allow myself to harbor both good and bad thoughts about myself( most of them being bad). I had serious trouble when it came to my looks, my physical body( I used to have some skin problems) or my behaviour. I would look at myself as a totally different child, I couldn’t behave like them, I considered myself as a sad child with too much to worry at such a tender age. I would cry and spent hours to ask God why He did not make me like others, beautiful perfect looks without flaws, and with a more versatile behaviour like my friends. Sometimes I was bullied by some friends, and hated by some teachers and this traumatic experience has made me hate myself even more. My only ability was that of my academic tasks , my school work. I would only concentrate on my studies and family since these two factors were the only peace and happiness I would get in my life.
Today when I see myself writing these self-hating thoughts down here, I can realise how wrong I was and how much I have been tormenting myself in a very negative way. I feel like I’ve hurt my soul too much and now is time to change all these thoughts. I have come to love myself, my physical appearance so much right after I met my soulmate who is now my husband. He made me see myself as a beautiful person in all ways. What if my friends did not see the perfect behaviour in me? What if my teacher hated me and always underestimate my academic ability? It does not make any difference now. I am proud to be what I am today. I am caring, loving and nice. Some people always compliment me of my loyal, calm and sweet nature. It is just that right from the beginning, I never met the right people in my life. For the teacher who made bad remarks on me, I forgive him for whatever happened. Finally I grew up to be a teacher and now I will try to teach others how to love themselves instead of creating self-hates.
Action step to love myself today:
- Buy myself this beautiful organizer that I’ve been eyeing for a while, that will be a crucial tool in planning my goals and action steps.
- Read this book that I’ve been meaning to read but have been putting off for a while.
- Give myself a hug.
“I love myself unconditionally.”